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You have how many kids? How can you afford it?!?
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked this question.
Much like our parenting, my husband and I adopted the practice of “depositing early and living off the interest.”
Read MoreI had a plan to hide from my kids. I set up my makeshift studio (aka my bedroom) and within minutes nine of my then ten kids had bombarded me ... all the while, unbeknownst to me, my two year old daughter had slipped into my bathroom and was meticulously caking mascara Lady Gaga style all over her face. Little monster!
I awoke this morning to a seven year old boy, six year old girl, and five year old boy/girl twins balancing books on their heads. They were dancing around slowly, regally, while their thirteen year old sister, Mary, tapped her hands, singing out: “one two three, one two three ...”
I am currently pregnant with my 14th baby (on earth). While a vast majority of the people in my life are very supportive and loving in their response to my decision to welcome another child into our family, I can’t help but feel the sting from cutting remarks made about other women who have also chosen to be open to life.
When I announced my pregnancy, there were a few people who were very surprised by our immediate openness to children, which is strange, because anyone who knew me knew I had always wanted twelve kids and really, that would require not wasting a single moment.
In a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram culture, everything has been turned into a competition of who can have the most put-together life. For moms, this means who can have cleanest house, the most talented, smart kids, and who make the coolest treats that embody the spirit of the season (oh and they should also exhibit an obvious mastery of artistry and culinary excellence). All this while you remain in photo-ready mode in case you need to snap a selfie.
This week, Christ has called me to let all the irrational expectations I put on myself die. He’s called me to dig a hole and swiftly kick the mom guilt, the measuring sticks, and the fear of failure into the trench and to rise in the hope He has for my life and the lives of those entrusted to my care.
He’s been telling me to let my idea of what it is to be a perfect woman, wife and mom die, so that He can call reveal a truth that I’ve always known, but so often forget.
And He’s been doing this in a way that that has been very hard and emotionally fused.
You see, I’m expecting my 13th baby (not including my 5 heavenly children), and for the past couple of mornings, I’ve been spotting. I’ve been blessed to detect a little heartbeat, but for someone who has a history of miscarriages, it is all very unsettling. Because of it, I’ve been having to slow down and spend some extra time in bed.
It means that my house would now spark joy for Marie Kondo, who loves mess. It means a looming and impending laundry-ageddon. It means that I’m wincing every few minutes as my kids battle it out in the distance. It means that all the things that I’ve often felt define a good wife and mother, faithful in her Vocation, are falling to the wayside.
In spite of the frustration of this state, I’m seeing the blessings. I can’t do for everyone, that which I usually do, but I’ve been having a ton of little visitors, who in the absence of busyness and competition for my attention, are enjoying the act of just being with me. We’ve been wasting time together, cuddling, and talking... well, they do most of the talking.
In these moments, absent of a ton of activities and efforts to over-embellish their lives, Christ is revealing a truth that has infused me with greater life. You are enough. Your presence: your being. You.
Yes, when I rise from the bed, I’ll have some major cleaning and laundry to do (with the kids help), but I want to keep the truth spoken in the state of (forced) surrender. You and I, dear fellow daughter of God, are enough.
And just as we relish those awesome moments when we can simply spend time being in the presence of God, know that He is calling us to know the worth of our presence in the lives of our friends and family.
Written April 2019
Update: Baby #13 now 23 weeks and doing well!
It isn't always in the over-the-top, extraordinary demonstrations of your love, it's in the little everyday things. Although most people have a particular love language that they respond to more than others, here are some ideas that are universally welcome expressions of love and a powerful means of winning the hearts of our beloved.
Read MoreWe just returned from a 24 hour turned 30 hour drive home from a visit to Denver Colorado for a family member’s wedding.
Here were the terrifying stats…
Read More...You’re already drowning in a sea of demands. You’re wondering: God, why did you send me another, when I feel like I’m failing the ones I already have… when I’m failing at everything?
But this post is not for you, sweet mother, it is for the others.
Read MoreOne day, our parish priest approached her and shared his weighted disapproval of rosaries on display in cars. "They are a blessed tool for prayer, not an accessory!" I heard him exclaim. My mother promptly removed the guilty party. For many years, when I would see rosaries dangling from the mirrors of other cars, I'd be all: Uh oh, thaaas baaad.
Read MoreBlessed Jacinta had a fierce, determined spirit and a heart for sinners, especially those furthest from God's love: those closest to damnation. She had been horrified when Our Lady granted her and the other children a glimpse into Hell. It was vivid and heartbreaking, terrifying and cruel.
Read MorePope St. Pius X was second of eleven, St. Gianna Mola was number ten of thirteen, St. Faustina was third of ten, St. Louis de Montfort was one of eighteen, St. Catherine of Siena was the twenty-third of twenty-four, St. Joan of Arc was one of five, St. Casimir of Poland was number three of thirteen, and there are so many others who either came from large families or were the parent of numerous offspring (which gives me hope).
Read MoreMy grandfather on the other hand, whom we called Pap Pap, seemed to have a special God-given gift, at least where I was concerned. He accurately predicted every gender (without dangling a ring over my belly or determining if I was "carrying high or low") for my first four babies. By the fifth baby, I decided to align my prediction with his and was finally right!
I asked him to reveal his secret. How did he know?
Read More"We need to weigh you!" was the chorus thrown in my direction as soon as I entered. "Of course," I stammered trying to hide the absolute horror of being weighed, "Sorry." I glanced around the room, "Do you have a scale in here?" They all stared at me like a group of alligators leering at a hippo in a tutu - clearly I am the tutu in this analogy.
Read MoreOne morning, an older woman approached me and inquired as to whether or not I fed the children prior to Mass. I assured her they were well fed and she scrunched up her nose and shrieked, "Reeaally? 'Cause they're so loud and whiny, I was sure that they must be hungry or something. Maybe it would be better if you left them at home."
I was a little tenacious back then...
Read MoreHe said that he was tired of a small percentage of radicals attempting to define the religion as a whole. I told him I thought that was unfair and that I understood. "How can you?" he asked, "If I had worn traditional Muslim attire today, many people on this plane would look at me in fear, making the worst assumptions."
Read MoreWe have a family Christmas tradition that just played out last night: A Muppet Family Christmas movie night with our eleven children, garnished with a truckload of popcorn. This year my husband made an interesting comment: "This is what started it all!" I asked him to clarify...
Read MoreI would imagine that the need to defame those who are holy is even greater than the need to point out the obvious faults in "ClinTrump". Because, if someone is definitively holy, then it would follow that their instruction or commentaries should be taken very seriously - and Mother Teresa did say that thing about respecting life at every stage that was pretty unpopular.
Read MoreWith my up-sized family, I am a magnet for comments of the reproductive nature. "So, are you done?" as though I relish the opportunity to discuss my fertility choices with random strangers, or the most popular: "You've got your hands full!"
Read MoreAs I peeled back Christian's diaper, I gasped. There was blood. I checked for lesions, but soon realized that the bleeding was coming from something internal. He had also developed a fever, so I was worried about a possible infection. I took him to a medical clinic and they sent us to the ER. An ultrasound revealed he had a tumor on his right kidney. They were quite certain it was what's called a Wilms tumor. Cancer.
Read More